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08 May 2011 @ 04:10 am
Fic: Never Think. PG-13. Bella/Rodolphus  
Title: Never Think
Summary: -
Characters/Pairings: Bellatrix, mentions of Narcissa, Rodolphus; Bellatrix&Rodolphus
Genre: Drama?
Rating/Warnings: PG-13
Word Count: 855
A/N: Dedicated to my lovely friend Kat aka scortum_lupa (and if this really works, you should be the only one to see this. xD)
We just talked about me and my relationship to fluff like an hour ago, and we kinda share the same attitude when it's about fluff, buuuuuuuuuut IDK, writing an actually-intended-to-be-cheering-up fic without something to cheer up in it is... weird :p
So, this has got a semi-happy end... However you'd like to interpret it :p
I love you ♥


The night seemed to be darker than usual. Starry, cloudless, but the sky’s black looked darker, way darker than usual. Even the moon was hiding, as if he had been dislodged by Dementors.
She liked those nights, liked not being seen, being able to hide in the darkness. And indeed, she was almost invisible with her dark hair and the black cloak she had wrapped tightly around her body. Sitting on an abandoned bridge, she looked down to the earth, down to the road, that was covered in a pale, sinister light by the street lamps. She knew that, if she moved only a few inches, she’d be falling... Falling into a deep, dark abyss, unable to hold on to something. But she was not afraid, neither of falling, nor of dying. Also, who would care about if she fell? Who would care about her returning or staying away forever? They’d probably not even realize. But why would she bother? She’d always lived her own life, seemed not to care about the others, so why would they now care about her? Even Narcissa seemed to be too focused on her family to have time for her sister. And Rodolphus... Well, since when did he ever show interest in his wife?
She wouldn’t mind if it all ended now, not at all. It’d be just a step. Just a step and it’d be over... She closed her eyes, for no longer than a second, trying to organize her thoughts. She had not come here to kill herself, just to think... To think about everything, to calm down, to escape for a while. She often came here, at night, where no one would see her, even if they looked straight up to the bridge.
Yes, she wanted to escape. Wanted nothing more than to escape. Escape from Narcissa, from Rodolphus, especially from Rodolphus... Because she cared about him. Yes, she did, more than she’d ever dare to admit. She hated herself for being so weak, for not being able to control her feelings, tried her best to stop... To stop thinking about him every time they were separated, to stop looking at him when she could be sure he would not notice. To stop being hurt when she realized once again that he did not care.
She knew that they had married just to bring honour to their families, just to... It was foolish of her to hope he’d have feelings for her. To dare hoping he’d like, maybe even love her... She was only a means to an end to him, nothing more.
She had given up trying to tell herself that he meant nothing more for her than she did for him, had given up trying to make herself believe he was unimportant to her. She knew he wasn’t. She knew she cared, worried about him, everytime he left the house at night, everytime he did not tell her where he went, when or even if he’d return.
Sometimes she even caught herself looking out of the window, in the middle of the night, looking down to the street to see if he was coming home.
She never talked about what she felt, not even to Narcissa. Narcissa... Narcissa, who was happily married, to a man she loved, who loved her... She wouldn’t understand, no, she would not even be able to know about what her sister was going through. So why... why would she bother talking to her?
Only a step and it’d come to an end... Eveything would come to an end, her thoughts, her feelings... Only a step... Again, she closed her eyes, but this time did not open them again, rose. She did not hear the silent pop behind her back, had already taken the step, her cloak blowing in the wind.
It felt like flying, but she was falling... Falling into the deepness... Feeling free, feeling free for the first time ever in her life...

She found herself in her bed when she opened her eyes. Lying in her own bed, as if nothing had happened, as if it all had just been a dream. She did not have remembrance of the happenings after she had closed her eyes, after she had jumped off the bridge. Did not have remembrance of who had come to save her.
It felt, like she had slept for several days, but not gotten any rest, like she’d just awoken from a nightmare. She felt her body trembling when she tried to sit up, harldy able to keep her eyes open. Felt a hand on her own, holding her, firmly but gently at the same time, as if it never wanted to leave her, to let her go again. She turned her head, only a few inches, and found Rodolphus, sitting on a chair next to her bed, fast asleep. It was him, holding her hand, for the first time ever since they had met. He had followed her, without her noticing. And he had saved her life. She closed her eyes again, unable to stay awake any longer. Closed her eyes with a smile.
 
 
 
starrylioness on August 13th, 2014 05:16 am (UTC)
Just going through the Bella/Rod community and saw this and re-read it <3 I loved this so much when you dedicated it to me. xo