Summary: Narcissa after the Battle of Malfoy Manor
Characters/Pairings: Narcissa Malfoy
Rating/Warnings: R to be safe...
Beta: madly_love - thanks dear! <3
Word Count: 991
Chapter: 1/1 // 1/3
A/N: This is the first part of a post-battle OneShot trilogy - starting with Narcissa's PoV.
The last months' happenings had changed everything, she had prayed for it to stop every day, had forced herself to keep up. But now her power had run dry, she was too exhausted to continue. She was broken, and it was too late to try to heal this burst.
She never had to work in her life before, even if she had wanted to. Her servants had always done everything for her, even the smallest things. But now she was there, down on her knees, willing to work, but too weak to do anything but raise her hand. She was too rapt in thoughts to concentrate.
Compared to only a few hours ago the drawing room had become almost unrecognizable, but why would she still care about the drawing room... The boy had escaped, once again, through her fault. Only seconds after his disappearance, the Dark Lord arrived, and Narcissa had never seen him as furious before. He had tortured them for hours, and even the thought of this unspeakable pain made her wince. But it had not been the physical agony that made her nearly mad, it was seeing her family being tortured. Recognizing the fear in Bellatrix's eyes, watching her being so weak, so fragile had broken her heart. He had tortured her until unconsciousness, continued, as if it was his intension to kill her.
Even Lucius and Draco had been unable to fight him, didn't have another choice than to bear the misery. They disapparated only a few minutes after the Dark Lord had left the house. Everyone did, even Bellatrix, who was hardly able to stand. They disapparated, leaving Narcissa behind, who was now desperately trying to remove the ocean of shards and blood, as if she could also wash away her memory. Her memory of this night's happenings.
She knew that she had lost everything all at once. Her sister, to whom she had been so familiar, who stopped talking to her all of a sudden, too obsessed with the thought of pleasing the Dark Lord. Her husband, who refused to even look at her, he didn't even know whether to protect or to hurt her anymore. Even her son seemed to slither away from her more and more.
The war, that had caused too many victims, had acquired a new dimension, a dimension so big, no one was able to realize what was going on.
It hurt her so much to think about how much everything had changed. The pain, flowing through her body was nearly insufferable, too intense to be caused by the Cruciatus Curse.
She had seen tears glisten in Lucius' eyes when the Dark Lord raised his wand against him. He had never allowed himself to show weakness. She struggled for breath when their glances had crossed for no longer than a second, when she realized that he was crying. But she forced herself to turn away, pretending not to have noticed his sign of infirmity. She would never forgive herself for putting him to shame.
Narcissa herself didn't cry, she seemed too paralysed to react. She tried to rise, but her body was still trembling too much, so she fell down on her knees again, didn't even sense the shards cutting trough her tender skin.
She slowly closed her eyes, just to open them up after a few seconds, gasping for breath and desperately trying to relegate the picture out of her head that had just appeared before her inner eyes, but it seemed to be burnt into her brain. Bellatrix's body, lying motionlessly on the floor, Narcissa unable to run to her, to ensure she was still alive. Lucius, who seemed to be rigid with fear, his white skin looking even paler than ever before.
She started to scream, scream, as loud as she could, regardless if someone could hear her, touched her left arm, like she had gone into a trance. Her arm, that didn't wear the sign that was burnt into all of her family members' skin, exactly where her fingers kept on clasping her skin so desperately. Her skin, as white as snow, free from the Dark Mark, the symbol Bellatrix and Lucius had been longing for for such a long time. The symbol that had brought such unspeakable pain for her.
She desired nothing more than to never have got into this war, the war in which everyone was forced to fight, whose outcome no one was able to guess. The last months' happenings had changed everything, she had prayed for it to stop every day, had forced herself to keep up. But now her power had run dry, she was too exhausted to continue. She was broken, and it was too late to try to heal this burst. She rose, again, and made a quiet desicion, she didn't even dare to declare it in her thoughts. She glanced over the room for a very long time, the room that she once had loved so much, but that was now just filled her with disgust. Again, she closed her eyes for no longer than just a second.
Of course she loved them. All of them. Bellatrix, Lucius, Draco... Even after everything that had happened. Narcissa would always love them more than herself, unable to change anything about their condition. The feelings she had for her family could never decrease, even if she wanted nothing more than to stop loving them.
Even Lucius, who had hurt her the most, would forever remain a part of her, a part her heart was longing for so desperately, even if her mind knew that it was impossible to possess him. They had loved each other, more than anything else. Had been happy together, even when Narcissa hardly had remembrance of how it was to be looked at, to be gently touched by him. They had loved each other...
"I am so sorry, Lucius", she whispered while she closed the door, locking herself into the destroyed drawing room. She groped for her wand, pressed it against her temple as firmly as she could, but her hands were still trembling. "Obliviate."
She had seen tears glisten in his eyes.