Word Count: 1142 (1242 with lyrics)
Rating/warnings: PG-13; some angsty moments
Genre: Drama, I think?
Characters/Pairings: Narcissa Black-Malfoy, Bellatrix Black-Lestrange; gen
Summary: He never found out about what had happened during his absence, about how desperate you had been. You welcomed him with a smile, as if nothing had happened, beautiful as always. Your eyes shining brighter than ever. No one else but me would know about what you had gone through.
Author's Notes: Credit to Gotthard for the song lyrics; written for rvillarrubia at the hh_writersblock Fic Exchange
I knew you, long before your birth. I know you now, better than anyone else, better than you even know yourself. I know eveything about you, know what you think, know about everything you did, know about everything you will do in your future. And I love you, though I never had the chance to tell you how much. I love you, and you love me. You always did, even when you were sure you’d not. When you were screaming, shouting you’d hate, you’d despise me, more than anything else... When you were trying to hurt me... You loved me. Because you knew you were not able to survive without me, you knew you needed me, more than you needed air to breathe.
I heard you scream my name in the middle of the night, I heard you cry, heard your sobs resound throughout the house, that had become too big for you since he was gone. And I came. Came to you every night, to hold your trembling body in my arms, to stroke over your hair, to feel your tears on my skin. “Promise me you’ll never leave me,” you whispered, every night, barely able to breathe. Not willing to let me go before I made my promise.
And I never broke my vow, not even when you started to drink. I stayed with you, even when your daily cup of tea turned into a glass of wine, when the glass turned into a bottle, even when evening started to begin earlier with every day passing.
I stayed with you, holding your hand, though, sometimes, you were unable to recognize me. Unable to remember what you did or said, only a few hours before. You knew you needed help, you knew you’d not be able to go on like this forever, but you remained silent, too proud to admit you had become weak, that you were trying to escape from reality. Escape to a world no one else but you would be able to enter, not realizing that you just made it worse.
How many times have you tried to hurt me... Tried to hit, tried to curse, maybe to kill me... But even holding your wand seemed impossible to you.
I locked you into your room, more than once, trying to ignore your screams, your begs...
Trying to help you survive.
You said you’d hate me, you’d never forgive me, shouted at me until your voice became husky. Until you collapsed, crying, barely able to breathe. And I came to you, held you, all night long, I tried to calm you down, whispered into your ear. “You don’t want him to see you like this when he returns, do you?” I asked. And you shook your head. “No,” you said, promised me you’d stop drinking. But of course you did not keep your promise... Of course you were not able to cope alone, did not have a chance to stop. Of course you needed help...
For The Sun To Make It Mine
Callin' , Callin’, Whispering Your Name
N' Right Now
You're On My Trail
Falling, Falling, Wishing You Near
You Slipped Away
Like Ice In The Sun
You had not touched alcohol for over three months when he returned. He never found out about what had happened during his absence, about how desperate you had been. You welcomed him with a smile, as if nothing had happened, beautiful as always. Your eyes shining brighter than ever. No one else but me would know about what you had gone through. Would remember how thin and pale you had been, how weak your body had become.
You knew I’d keep on watching you, knew I’d never be able to trust you again. Too often had you lied to me, too much had happened in the past.
Only you would see my gazes when you headed for the kitchen, would see the expression in my eyes and understand. We’d both not be able to go through this again.
Chasing Rainbows, On My Own
You Are The Wind In My Sail
In An Ocean So Wide
It seemed like you had lost your strength forever, like you’d never be able to go on. But you had always been a fighter. Had always been strong when it was required to be strong.
You never lost control again, never. Not even when the worst seemed to be happening to you...
The war had changed you, had changed us all. You had started to pray every night, when you were sure no one would hear you, prayed for it to stop, for your family to be safe. But it never stopped, got worse and worse with every day passing. Your eyes were always red, though you’d never dare to admit you were unable to sleep at night.
You had become numb, everything seemed to be unimportant to you, had lost all living will. No one would be able to bring it back to you. You’d do everything to save your family, even if it meant your certain death. Death... Why would you still care about dying... Why would you still care about yourself...
You never realized that it was me, caring about you, secretly caring about what happened to you during the war, you hardly ever talked to me. As if you wanted to punish me for something I had said or done in the past.
You left the house in the middle of the night, quietly as a ghost, your whole body trembling with cold and fear, hiding your wand under your cloak, ready to cast a spell if necessary. You did not notice you were followed. You did not even notice the voices, becoming louder with every step you took. It was me who saw the green flash of light, shining brighter than the moon in the sky, coming out of nowhere. It was me who took your arm, knocking you to the ground. It was me who saved your life.
Just Waiting To Flow
Follow Me Follow Me
Don't Let Me Go
I know you, better than anyone else, better than you even know yourself. I know eveything about you, know what you think, know about everything you did, know about everything you will do in your future. And I love you.
I am watching over you, watching over every step you take, listening to every word you say. Tears are streaming down your face when you visit my grave. “You promised me you’d never leave me!” you shout, your voice filled with anger and despair. “And believed you... I believed you, because you are my sister! I trusted you! You liar!” Your body starts to tremble while you desperately try to cover your face, not able, not willing to understand that I did not break my promise. That I never left you. “It should have been me dying,” you whisper. “Me...”
You turn around, start to run, your long, blond hair flowing in the wind behind your back. You reach your home in the darkness, barely able to breathe. You’re still gasping for breath an hour later, when he finds you sitting in your bedroom, emptying your glass of wine at a stroke.
Holding Your Hand
Eyes Open Wide
N' Always Beside